what might have been
Do you ever wonder what might have been? Oh I do. I mean, I try not to think about it obsessively. But one of the reasons I have to watch my time on social media is because of the jealousy it can stir up in my heart. Today was not a banner day for me. I was on th internet far too long. I had planned ahead and made dinner this morning, put it in the fridge to wait the 8 hours 'til bake time. So when homeschooling was done for the day, I felt like I had a few minutes to well...."research" things.
What a lie to myself! Before I knew it those minutes I'd taken became at least an hour. Well, I did find out some useful info. I mean, there were some people from high school I had been wondering about and well...I found out. One is a lawyer in NYC and is active in the New York Women's Foundation. Another peer from high school went on to be Miss Pennsylvania 1996 and is a senior vice president at a major public relations firm in New York.
Then there's college friends...I won't give his name, but a personal friend of ours is a Contemporary Christian Music success, winning many Dove Awards in the last 5 or 6 years. He was a few years younger than us and ended up staying in the Atlanta area after graduation. He began leading worship for a church and boom!...ended up a success when a friend took some of his work to a record company.
And here I am. A pastor's wife, mom of 3, homeschooling my children in a foreign country. I will probably never get beyond these roles and it makes me wonder...what might have been?
Then I remember something else....that as far back as I can remember wanting to be ANYTHING... all I wanted to be was: wife, mom, and a missionary. Guess what? I am. All 3 of those things. God has not "held out" on me. He has fulfilled my heart's desires. And graciously, he has rooted out the ungodly desires. In fact, he keeps rooting them out, day by day. Even when I fail by crossing the borders of spending too much time "researching" on the internet. It makes me think of the words I've sung many times:
Standing on this mountain top,
Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes our hearts can say....
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You Are Faithful God, You Are Faithful. Words by Matt Redman
What a lie to myself! Before I knew it those minutes I'd taken became at least an hour. Well, I did find out some useful info. I mean, there were some people from high school I had been wondering about and well...I found out. One is a lawyer in NYC and is active in the New York Women's Foundation. Another peer from high school went on to be Miss Pennsylvania 1996 and is a senior vice president at a major public relations firm in New York.
Then there's college friends...I won't give his name, but a personal friend of ours is a Contemporary Christian Music success, winning many Dove Awards in the last 5 or 6 years. He was a few years younger than us and ended up staying in the Atlanta area after graduation. He began leading worship for a church and boom!...ended up a success when a friend took some of his work to a record company.
And here I am. A pastor's wife, mom of 3, homeschooling my children in a foreign country. I will probably never get beyond these roles and it makes me wonder...what might have been?
Then I remember something else....that as far back as I can remember wanting to be ANYTHING... all I wanted to be was: wife, mom, and a missionary. Guess what? I am. All 3 of those things. God has not "held out" on me. He has fulfilled my heart's desires. And graciously, he has rooted out the ungodly desires. In fact, he keeps rooting them out, day by day. Even when I fail by crossing the borders of spending too much time "researching" on the internet. It makes me think of the words I've sung many times:
Standing on this mountain top,
Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes our hearts can say....
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You Are Faithful God, You Are Faithful. Words by Matt Redman
Comments
Post a Comment