until it hurts
I'm not sure when it happened. Crept up on me, really. Maybe it was there all along and I just didn't realize it. No one "spoke it" over me, no one "called it out" in me. But it's this quality I race toward and then jump back from...this doing something until it hurts. I think the word I most fear being labeled is "lazy." Or "quitter." Yep. Definitely. I.DO.NOT.WANT.TO.BE.CALLED.LAZY. (Notice that I didn't say I don't want to BE lazy....)
For me "lazy" might as well be a prison sentence handed down by the judge of all character qualities. "Kristin, You are now sentenced to the name LAZY! No parole. No plea bargaining. This is a life sentence. Case Closed!" ...And the gavel falls.
So, in order to avoid this "sentence," I push, push, push to try to be hard-working. The problem is, it's for all the wrong reasons. My reputation, not my worship of my Savior, is what drives me in this. What's worse, I often look over at my children and feel it is my duty to push, push, push the lazy out of them too. This makes for a pretty miserable life, quite honestly. For them. For me.
So where's the balance? What should we do "until it hurts?" Housework? Study? Exercise? Well...maybe nothing. Or maybe everything. But for all the right reasons. And there may be only one right reason: for love of the Savior. For when I look back at the cross I see the the One who knew what it was to obey "until it hurt." Jesus. Holy One. Sovereign Lord. Savior. He obeyed perfectly...and it hurt to the death. But He didn't do it because He cared what people thought of Him or to avoid being called "lazy." He endured the cross because it fulfilled his total obedience to the Father. Total.
So, there must be the starting and ending point. The only things worth doing "until they hurt" are the things that require our own loss in order that our obedience to God might be fulfilled. And in time, by the grace of God, perhaps these things will hurt a little less. Or maybe not. Maybe the hurt we feel (the loss) is part of the worship. "I will not offer the Lord sacrifices which cost me nothing" King David said. Let's endeavor to find out what it means, a little each day, to obey God "until it hurts." And remember that the hurt is momentary compared to the joy set before us in eternity.
24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? (Matt. 16:24-26)
For me "lazy" might as well be a prison sentence handed down by the judge of all character qualities. "Kristin, You are now sentenced to the name LAZY! No parole. No plea bargaining. This is a life sentence. Case Closed!" ...And the gavel falls.
So, in order to avoid this "sentence," I push, push, push to try to be hard-working. The problem is, it's for all the wrong reasons. My reputation, not my worship of my Savior, is what drives me in this. What's worse, I often look over at my children and feel it is my duty to push, push, push the lazy out of them too. This makes for a pretty miserable life, quite honestly. For them. For me.
So where's the balance? What should we do "until it hurts?" Housework? Study? Exercise? Well...maybe nothing. Or maybe everything. But for all the right reasons. And there may be only one right reason: for love of the Savior. For when I look back at the cross I see the the One who knew what it was to obey "until it hurt." Jesus. Holy One. Sovereign Lord. Savior. He obeyed perfectly...and it hurt to the death. But He didn't do it because He cared what people thought of Him or to avoid being called "lazy." He endured the cross because it fulfilled his total obedience to the Father. Total.
So, there must be the starting and ending point. The only things worth doing "until they hurt" are the things that require our own loss in order that our obedience to God might be fulfilled. And in time, by the grace of God, perhaps these things will hurt a little less. Or maybe not. Maybe the hurt we feel (the loss) is part of the worship. "I will not offer the Lord sacrifices which cost me nothing" King David said. Let's endeavor to find out what it means, a little each day, to obey God "until it hurts." And remember that the hurt is momentary compared to the joy set before us in eternity.
24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? (Matt. 16:24-26)
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