The Strong One

Depression wears many faces.  I’m not even going to try to get into such a complex issue here, but I will tell you about some things God has been teaching me lately in the midst of my own grey and stormy moments.

For me, a melancholy at heart, I usually see the glass as “half empty.”  I also grew up shouldering some burdens that were well above my years.  I see the good now; I see that God was fashioning me to be a woman who would walk alongside other women walking through dark valleys, fear, and times of spiritual questioning.  People have called me “Strong, stable.” I try to be there for those who need me.  I used to let this define me.  Then just recently, over the last few weeks, some dark days hit me, seemingly coming from nowhere.  I was soul-weary and feeling a pointlessness. I had nothing left to give.  Was it menopause setting in?  Was it a mid-life crisis?  Was it God?  Hmmm.

Let me just say, whatever it was, God was definitely in it.  So what happens when “The strong one” has dark moments of her own?  As I sat on the couch in tears, my husband attempted to draw me out about where my heart was in all of this.  He asked how I felt about God in it all.  As I began to think and talk, some glorious truths unearthed.  I said something like, “Well, I definitely feel close to God.  In fact, He’s the only one who doesn’t seem to need something from me right now.  He doesn’t expect anything from me, or need me to help Him.  He’s just there, loving me, expecting nothing in return.”  The light was growing…truth about God.  He didn’t NEED me.  He didn’t LACK ANYTHING in himself.

Yes, God was THE STRONG ONE, not me.  I didn’t have to be strong.  In fact, I couldn’t.  A burden began to lift.  All the things I was trying to be for others, I could never be.  Only God could be that for them.  For me.  Oh how I love HIM!  All I need to do is receive from Him.  This thought grew and took shape in me.  This person, who will ALWAYS be there for me, loving and providing for me, yet never will need back from me…is my GOD.  This is why He is called “Fountain of Delights” and “Water to My Soul.”  He gives and gives without ever needing replenishing…so unlike me.

I can’t say for sure whether I will have dark moments again…even this week.  I do think there are some changes occurring in me physically which could be linked.  But this one thing I know, God will never leave me or need something from me.  He loves everlastingly and never lacks anything.  I can keep going back to him and never worry that I won’t be strong.  He is THE STRONG ONE for me.